Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Autism’s UGLY side

It’s not often that the A word rears its ugly head as badly as it did yesterday.  THANK GOD FOR THAT!  Yesterday, Matthew was completely out of control!  He refused to get out of bed to start…that should’ve let me know what kind of day it was going to be…then I got 3…yes 3, e-mails from his teacher in less than an hour.  He failed his Science test and didn’t do his English homework at all.  (Okay, not that big of a deal…he just retakes the test and gets detention for English…)  It gets worse…At lunchtime, as his class was walking into the cafeteria, he saw Scott.  For no reason that anyone who witnessed it could discern, Matthew walked up to Scott, punched him in the arm and flicked his ear.  (Scott’s arm is still sore tonight.)  Finally, he was doodling in his Math workbook instead of working so his teacher got onto him.  What did he do?  He utterly DESTROYED his Math workbook to the point of no return.  Yep…got to get him a new one ordered—you read that correctly---they have to ORDER him a new one.  *sigh*  Is that it?  Not yet!  When she asked him why he did that, he then started yelling and throwing stuff around the classroom. 

Have I mentioned I believe his teacher is an absolute SAINT????

I do not know why he does this kind of stuff, but I do wish he didn’t.  I’ve had people tell me it’s because we don’t discipline him enough or the right way.  I’ve also had people tell me,”if he were MY kid, he wouldn’t do that!”  (These statements are from people who work with kids every day—kind of scary, huh?)  When he runs off in public, they’ll say stuff under their breath, thinking we can’t hear them, like “what kind of parents are they anyway to just let him do that?”  Seriously?  Do they think we WANT to chase him and try to find him when the sensory overload gets to be too much?  Do they think it’s fun to see everyone of his peers get invited for sleepovers & birthday parties & not him?  Do they really think he’s not noticing this?  HE DOES!  I DO!  His Brother does….he’s not invisible…just different.  Autism is not contagious!  Your kids won’t “catch” it from him.  They may even be better off if they know him!  It’ll make them more compassionate & aware of the fact that just because someone thinks differently than they do—it doesn’t mean they can’t be your friend!   Do these people think it’s fun for Scott to have an Autistic brother?  Unfortunately, Scott gets the brunt of Matthew’s aggression.  Jason & I stop it when we can, but it is impossible for us to be around ALL the time.  We can’t afford it financially for one of us to quit and stay home with them.  We tried that for 2 years & it isn’t feasible at this time.  He doesn’t qualify for Social Security because of our income, but if I quit work to take care of him, the Social Security he would get wouldn’t be as much as I make—kind of hard to justify that, huh?  Money isn’t everything, but it is essential if you want to live in a halfway decent part of town.

Then there’s the part of me that worries about what would happen to him if something happens to me or Jason.  I know one of our family members would take him and they would try their best, but they don’t understand what Autism is and how if affects our daily lives.  They get to see bits & pieces when they’re around, but unless you’re around it 24/7, you just CAN’T “get it”!  I don’t want Scott to feel obligated to take care of Matthew, so we encourage Scott to have as many interests as he can that are separate from Matthew. 


Sorry if this has turned into a rant, but I just got to let it go sometimes or I feel like I’m going to explode. 


Peace and love to all!


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I normally don't respond to blogs because I am not blog-literate. :-) None of my children have autism, but I understand what you are saying when you talk about other people's comments about Matthew's behavior. Before I had kids, I was an expert on parenting. As my children were growing I was an expert on teenagers. Now, I realize I am no expert and I learn something new everyday (whether I want to or not).

btw - I have no idea if I have a profile. LOL This is karen from church.